May link to txt files or something instead of appending paragraphs, not sure what is a cool and resource efficient or whatever. Probably using a pen and paper is most efficient... bah, not possible.
2025/12/01 28h: Sleep is tough.
2025/12/2 19h: Can't seem to sleep properly nor can this thing remain lucid enough to accomplish much more than
idle musings. If circumstances were different this would be no issue, however, presented is a some continuous
space in which cognitive acuity and delayed gratification are wildly race for minimums.
I will do my homework now.
2025/12/04 23h: Went to pick up last bottle of dulexotine after some weeks of delay and great decisions. I was informed I had likely already gone through the worse of withdrawl symptoms which is nice because the past few weeks have been miserable. Little sleep, brain fuzzy/foggy, no class attendance, and can't focus on maths anyway. The internet induced ADHD, social reclusion, burnout, etc. no away and honestly I am thinking of shelving academia in pursuit of being exploited labour as a means to be an international hobo. I cannot reasonably expect to convince anyone that this is a what is called "sound judgement" but I am going to die anyway. What does it matter I spent a few years picking plants in random parts of the world to no great benefit to myself.
I have this feeling that it really will not matter and will ultimately create some sort of story and I don't have to exist in the genocide empire of world domination. Sure I am not single handedly dethroning capital or plotting grassroots revolts with the homies and simply being a slave for someone but honestly if I pick plant and the plant is digested by another heterotroph that is pretty much one of the best things I can imagine doing with my time.
And I might be able to run in interesting places, die to exotic animals, maimed, who knows, maybe I will get killed by another person. If I had to choose, I would pick IDF just because I like the idea of North American genocide fanboys justifying IDF killing a fellow precious North American non-native person.
Studying maths might be easier since the structure of studying would be completely different, twiddling my thumbs and stumbling through elementary proofs. Maybe I can meet fellow maths enjoyers and hopefully not scare them away with my overtly prickly misanthropic personality which makes a porcupine look like a pillow. That is a gross mischaracterization but I kind of like the sound of it and lying for fun rocks. It's fun for me and the people I lie to.
I didn't do my homework then.
2025/12/06 22h: Completed track workout with running fellow, this lack of sleep and running is making otherwise reasonable running push limits, unfortunate. Slept from about 03:00 to 13:00 and though this was not the greatest sleep to befall me, it has felt like a grand rejuvenation. Still socially withdrawn, the peace of desolation is not entirely maddening yet. Though great exaggeration, the expansion and contraction feels nice. Building little distorted sand creations amongst the other sand castle builders and letting the waves take it away. In 60 years may these bits rot, in 600 may the ground which is walked still be trodden, 6000 may the biosphere be recognizable, 60000 surely some significant alterations are to occurr. Why not live the meaningless, wasted potential life, seems mostly death anxeity causes the kerfuffle. The words and thoughts are all mess, the medium is not apart of the thinking yet, distracts.
Which reminds me that I am going to watch someone's marathon tomorrow, the big day out, how exciting.
2025/12/08 14h: The weather seems perfect to abandon twitch, great reorganizing of files with little upkeep for a decade. Future is on fire, skin sheds, and there is profound peace.
2025/12/08 16h: Merry christmas.
Exported follower list to assuage the demon that tells us we must never relinquish anything. This also allows for testing of libredirect for twitch, probably mostly broken. Or simply plastic brain to other configurations or maybe it is sequence of activation. On to grander prisons.
This file is old and forgotten, and for some reason 5Mb.
2025/12/08 19h: Chaffed once againe by tights the bloody bastards, nary a vestigial appearing endowment is saved from the ravages of nylon thread. At this rate the blood loss will be on par with fellow running pegasisters should such dire circumstances continue. Allah willing, the sun shall shine and cast away the foggy air that encases this humble land such that people are free to frolick naked and gay once more under the glory of allah. Also forgot to unpause watch for almost 1 kilometer, the neuroticism flows heavy and pounding with each thunder clap of the feeble organ given to keep this form alive.
2025/12/10 14h: Workout of 4 min on, 1 min off for 4 miles with running pardner, lots of sleep previous evening, not particularly energizied. Just learned Twist the Knife by Chromatics is going to get popular in the coming years because it is going to be in some OST of a game, thrilling. Run from 2 days ago seemed to have been deleted instead of saved at some point, into the aether it goes though perhaps the gps watch is an exception that has lived for too long. If we can have sensors for stride length and cadence then improving those seem more ideal than eye in the sky. Surprisingly, not much to be found on this.
2025/12/12 23h: Make the external drive ext4, not sure what to do about other nvme sdd. Having LUKS on one and not other seems to defeat a bit of the purpose. Not that it was done for any other reason than it was a key press to option for encrypted drive. Sure get some funky numbers, why not. Need to work out transmission-daemon, power management via tlp it seem, build reading material on applications of non-turing complete languages. Perhaps there is another rung of infinity beyond which allows grander vistas, perhaps we have already climbed sufficient peaks, maybe our universe is a simpler sandbox. Would be funny if those turing tarpits turned out to be much more applicable to current robust and venerable languages, probably not.
2026/01/20 13h: Snow is cold, world is large, people far, the distance grows by effort and decay, I miss my mom.
My foundational death anxiety informing the social logic, the game is brutal and short. Graph of which all edge means certain death maybe me maybe not. For some reason this has not been so clear until my departure from my mother's abode this time around even though I know I have felt this form age 6 or so. I rewatched The Answer is Not a Hut in the Woods after forgetting about it other than knowing that I have held onto the conclusion that isolation cannot sustain the humble human of social origins.
My retreat was motivated by the likes of which is mentioned in the video that like a cat may find a quiet place to die from everything it knows, I do the same. I am not sure I wish to alter course though.
2026/01/21 13h: Feed cats and run.
